


Don't stop believing

by buttheyrebrothers



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 10x12, About a Boy, Episode Tag, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Wincest - Freeform, can also be read as, gen - Freeform, happy easter, season 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 01:27:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3672390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttheyrebrothers/pseuds/buttheyrebrothers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam never really believed in the Easter Bunny until he was 11. And a half.<br/>But he believed in Dean. Always.</p><p>If his big brother only could believe in himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't stop believing

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a little Easter present for all the lovely people following me on tumblr or reading my stories here.  
> Thank you so much for talking to me, reading, liking, commenting and reblogging my stuff or just silently following. I hope you like it. 
> 
> It’s based on the opening scene of “About a boy” (10x12). I know most of us had doubts about Sam believing in the Easter Bunny till he was 11. And a half. Here is my take on it.
> 
> Titel is stolen from Journey. It was way too fitting not to use.

_“We all want to believe in impossible things, I suppose, to persuade ourselves that miracles can happen.”_

―    [Paul Auster](https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/296961.Paul_Auster), _[The Book of Illusions](https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1779328)     
_

It was hard seeing his brother like this. It was like the apocalypse all over again, when Dean had lost all hope and was itching to say yes to Michael, for everything being said and done. But at least he still kept up appearance, kept researching, kept trying, even if it was clear in his posture that hope had left the building to get some cigarettes.

Well, at least someone had left then because Dean sure as hell hadn’t in over a week. Holed up in his room, alone, pouring over books. This had to end. If Dean couldn’t believe in himself then Sam just had to believe for both of them. That’s why he spent all morning looking for a case, anything to take Dean’s mind off the Mark and its pending doom. It was already late afternoon when he finally found something promising. Still, if they packed their stuff and drove there now they could reach this town at night, get a room and start questioning witnesses early in the morning.

When he opened the door to Dean’s room he found his brother on the floor, a huge tome in his lap and dark circles under his eyes. He barely spared Sam a glance when he entered, eyes already going back to their earlier task. Sam’s resolve hardened at that. Taking a moment to steel himself, he took another step into the room to put what he had found about the case in Dean’s hands, hoping the weirdness of it would catch his interest like it did Sam’s.

But of course he had no such luck. Instead of jumping at the chance to leave his self-appointed prison he casually told Sam to go on his own, like this was something they did all the time, like it was normal for them to be farther apart than down the hall when they needed weeks getting used to separate rooms. It was time to break out the big guns.

“Dean, you haven’t left the bunker for a week.”

Stating the obvious was always something that put Dean on the defensive, like Sam had said ‘ _I know what you are doing and I don’t like it._ ’ They stared at each other for a moment, daring the other to say more. Dean broke first.

“And?”

Okay, so he needed it spelled out for him. Sam could do that. Someone had to anyway, sooner rather than later. So he said what was on his mind, trying to not hold anything in this time, because that never worked for them anyway. He had tried to hold back, to let Dean come on his own but he was tired of seeing his brother beating himself up over something everyone had forgiven him for. Everyone except Dean, who thought he needed to be locked away, who tried to punish himself. But that just won’t do.

“How about you forgive yourself?”

At that Dean gave a small huffing laugh. It was not a happy sound. They both knew none of it was funny.

“Because I’m not exactly batting a thousand here, you know?”

Of course he knew that, but that didn’t mean that holing himself up and stop fighting would help him. His brother needed to start believing again. Sam knew he could beat this. So he told him exactly that.

“You really believe that?”

“You’re damn right I believe that.” He answered with as much conviction as he could. He needed to get through to Dean.

“You know, you also believed in the Easter Bunny ‘til you were twelve.”

Sam couldn’t believe it, how could Dean joke about this. Okay, actually, he could. It was Dean after all. Still, he wouldn’t let this ridiculous statement stand.

“No, I didn’t.”

But when he caught Dean’s raised eyebrows he realized, maybe it wasn’t a joke after all. Maybe Dean really thought the notion of him beating his inner demons was as ridiculous as believing in the Easter Bunny. Something he didn’t do, not really. He never told Dean this though, but maybe it was time to tell his brother the truth about his beliefs.

Because the truth was, Sam stopped believing in good things like Santa or the Easter Bunny when he learned that monsters were real. But he was always very empathetic for a kid his age and also attuned to Dean specifically. So it was no wonder how fast he picked up the guilt and remorse emitting from his older brother after this fateful Christmas. He knew Dean wished for Sam to have a normal childhood, to feel protected and safe in this world, invincible like only children could feel. To still believe in the good things in life. He just wanted Sam to keep his innocence a bit longer. So Sam was not surprised that when he tried to slip on his sneakers the next April, he couldn’t fit his feet in there because the space was already occupied by sweets. After emptying them on the bed he looked up to find Dean smirking at him. “ _Seems the Easter Bunny picked up some tricks from Saint Nicholas._ ” Seeing Dean’s happy face made the decision for him how to react easy. “ _Then let’s hope he’s not as much of a cheapskate as him. Maybe he left more!_ ” And with that Sam leaped up from his place on the bed and started to scoop the place for more hidden treasures. And the Easter Bunny (read: Dean) didn’t disappoint. He found some more sweets, one comic book and two slightly used novels (one of them in the tree in front of their motel room). They spent the day lazing around the room, Dean cleaning weapons and Sam reading in his new book. Both wore identical grins on their faces.

Sam never told Dean that he knew who hid the presents this Easter and the three after that because if something so small could make his brother happy then he would do his damndest to keep it that way. That he never believed in the Easter Bunny never meant he didn’t believe in something inherently good and magical. He believed in his big brother and for him that was even better because this belief could never be diminished, never be taken from him. Even when he stopped believing in anything else, God, love, himself; he never stopped believing in Dean. Maybe it was time to tell the truth.

“Look, I was eleven.”

Or maybe not. Dean wouldn’t believe him anyway, he would think Sam only says this to cheer him up or to not seem like someone who believed in the Easter Bunny in his teens. And Sam wouldn’t want to take one of the few good things from their childhood from Dean.

“And a half.”

This was said with a daring look but he could see amusement glint in Dean’s eyes, something that was way too rare since - well, a long time. So he could give him this.

“And a half. Right.”

He felt a grin breaking on his face but now was not the time; their talk was not over yet.

He looked back at Dean with determination written over his face. He hoped his big brother was still willing to help Sam believe in things, even if they seemed impossible.

“So?”

Dean took a deep breath, his face impassive. Sam felt like he couldn’t get any air in his lungs, his body tense with anticipation. His brother has never let him down when he needed him. ‘ _Please, Dean. Please._ ’

And Dean came through, just like he always did.

“Okay.” Said over the thudding sound of closing covers.

Maybe he would tell him one day. Easter was not that far away and he still had something he wanted to give back to Dean. Christmas didn’t work out for this present, so maybe Easter was the charm.


End file.
